Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
