my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I cut my penus on the lid.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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