Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
