So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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