My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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