I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
