wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
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All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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