dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
