Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
