i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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