you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
