i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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