I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
