I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
