Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
