i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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