If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Boobs speak an international language.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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