im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
