She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
