my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it glows. i had to have it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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