Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
