you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry about my life...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
