We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
