Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
