Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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