Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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