Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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