You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
