i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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