Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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