Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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