I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
