Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
