last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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