Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
