As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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