I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
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You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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