I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
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