I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
