operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
