Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
being pregnant is like rehab
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
