Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
