Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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