so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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