I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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