mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
