i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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