so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
