I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
