I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I know sheโs pissed I fucked her husband, but I didnโt know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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