Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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