No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
