I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
