Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
