I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
