I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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