so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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