no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
