Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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