Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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