Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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