i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
