dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
