hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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