Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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