I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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