no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
