you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
