My hand turned me down
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
