this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
